Photo: Connor Franta
Grab a box of Kleenex and get ready to go on an emotional roller coaster ride. In the life of a member of the LGBTQ+ community, one day holds special value. Coming out is a pivotal day of courage and bravery. Often years of pent-up energy comes to a climax on this day that includes all of the feels in one moment. Fear, anticipation, excitement, confusion, and internal conflict are often words to describe the act of coming out.
It can feel incredibly isolating for millions of people in the community when they don’t have anyone to turn to ask for guidance or support. Many people live in small rural communities where there is still a huge stigma attached to being LGBTQ+. Others may live in countries where it is illegal and punishable to be gay. Regardless of location, there is one place where people can feel a sense of community: the internet. YouTube has served as the platform of choice to share stories of coming out. Many popular YouTube stars have even shared the experience of coming out in real-time by filming a conversation with their family or a phone call. A previously unthinkable community has sprung up in an area that once held shame or dread.
In 2013 Olympic medalist Tom Daley used YouTube as a platform to announce to the world that he was in a relationship with a man. The video was significant for several reasons. Not only was he already a highly decorated medalist, but he was also at the height of his career at the time (he would go on to medal again in the 2016 Olympics). Professional athletes face particular obstacles when coming out of the closet and many choose to do so only when leaving professional sports. Daley continued to have a successful athletic and television career which holds significant weight for athletes that are afraid of losing professional standing due to their sexual orientation.
This YouTube coming out video by Olympian Tom Daley will be known as a historic moment for the GLBTQ+ community and the professional sporting community.
In 2015, already popular YouTube vloggers and twins Aaron and Austin Rhodes (known as the Rhodes Bros on YouTube) came out to their dad in a phone conversation and recorded the emotionally charged moment. Through tears, they listen as their dad repeatedly affirms that he loves them. They later went on the Ellen show with their father to talk about the experience. The video is still their most-watched video with over 27 million views. If you are looking for a good cry, forget the onions and watch the video.
Twins Aaron and Austin Rhodes come out to their father in this emotional YouTube video that has amassed an incredible 27 million views.
Another YouTube coming out story that struck me was Connor Franta. In his video, he explains that he puts his entire life on the internet, so why wouldn’t he also talk about his coming out? He mentions that before he came out of the closet he watched every coming-out story on the internet 4 times. On one hand, we can quickly dismiss social media as being vain attempts at grabbing attention. In this case, Franta strikes a cord that needs to be reiterated. There is an entire community of people that are watching these videos. Young people that feel isolated and don’t feel like they have anyone to talk to. By sharing his coming-out story Connor gives back to a community of content creators that gave him the push he needed to live his life more authentically.
The comment section of Connor Franta shows exactly how supportive the YouTube community can be during this incredibly difficult experience.
Not every coming-out story is packaged neatly with a bow and feel-good vibes. Riyadh Khalaf is an Irish-born YouTuber (Riyadh K on YouTube). After coming out to his parents he invited both of them on his YouTube channel to share the experience. The result is a real conversation that families around the world have. In the video’s most raw and honest moment, Riyadh’s dad talks about his suicidal thoughts in response to his son coming out as gay. The video is a sharp contrast with the previously mentioned Rhodes Bros experience illustrating that you cannot expect all parents to respond as you would like them to. Luckily, Riyadh’s father didn’t take his life and has not only come to terms with his son’s sexuality but openly embraces not only him but the entire LGBTQ community. From suicidal thoughts to marching in gay pride parades this YouTube video takes you on a journey.
An honest and emotional coming out story by Riyadh K featuring his mother and father.
Sasha Domansky’s video entitled My Story: Coming Out to My Religious Russian Family is a heart-wrenching account of coming out becoming emotionally and physically violent. It doesn’t have feel-good tears and will leave you with a pit in your stomach. It’s an account that has to be told however as coming out doesn’t always go the way we would hope.
The video also illustrates how culture influences the experience of coming out. Sasha talks a lot about life in a Russian family. Judging by the comments, many viewers can relate to his experience of being raised in a social structure that has strong religious traditions. One user comments:
The video also illustrates how culture influences the experience of coming out. Sasha talks a lot about life in a Russian family. Judging by the comments, many viewers can relate to his experience of being raised in a social structure that has strong religious traditions. One user comments:
“I’m from Saudi Arabia and I’m gay 19 years old and don’t know what the f*ck I should do… but you’ve inspired me a lot, you [are] such a hero and I’ll be back to this comment “saying that I made it” I promise”.
Many more comments with a similar theme illustrate how YouTube coming out videos have created an international support community. How many teenagers don’t have a safe place to go and talk about their sexuality? Even in more traditionally liberal countries, people have a difficult time coming out of the closet. YouTube is still a relatively new platform, and although LGBTQ+ rights progress we still have a lot of work to do. In 2017 Jamie Byrne, who was serving as the director of YouTube creators said:
“The LGBTQ creators who share their personal stories through our platform inspire us with their acts of courage and remind us of why it’s important to make sure YouTube remains a place where everyone can have a voice.”
Hopefully, one day in the future a world where everyone has a voice doesn’t only exist in the digital world.
